DO "MARRIAGES" STILL WORK ?

 

                            
                           
                                       


  Back and forth, back and forth. Basically today, I saw a marriage that had reached it's climax. The husband literally told his wife, that he can no longer put up with her and she should leave their matrimonial  home before he returned from work. In my mind I thought " The f+ck was happily ever after meant to be then ?" Back and forth, back  and forth, she kept running her mouth, till he got up and landed a warm (lol) slap on her cheek. Discussing with my cousin, I was just thinking like go home, sit down, agree for changes, make up, have good sex or something and move on..Like it was that easy... We then came to a conclusion that the "marriage" institution  is fading away and washed up. Yes. I don't know if people get married for acclaim, or for childbearing, or for "marriage" sake, or "getting old" sake. Some give up two months in, one year in, was marriage supposed to be beans ? I am getting confused mehn. The husband gave an excuse of neglect from the wife, and hence his reason for cheating.. Reason enough? I don't know.. Another situation I happen to know of, The husband married this lady, they had two children, and he left for America for over 20 years... Only to return, and take the children, and leave the wife behind..  I couldn't and still cannot and will not be able to get my head around this one.. Never.  Cruelty at the highest level.  I happened to witness one of the most unconditional love ever, with my grandfather and my grandmother. He was bed ridden for almost 20 years with stroke, and this woman never left his side, even to the point where all his body parts had failed, she stood by her husband. I felt the love when in their presence. So, is it the current generation that are neglecting "marriage"? Or we aren't just here for marriage? 
    Forth and Forth, In all I realized WOMEN/WIVES are strong, beyond physical strength, God gave them higher levels of endurance, in the woman I saw today, I saw a woman even through strife, she did not want to lose her man, she was fighting for what belonged to her, and remember the man was already opting out, SMH ! (Lol)

TALK IS CHEAP.

x.  Talk is indeed cheap. It's always so easy to pass judgment, down-cast someone, with our mouths, it doesn't cost a thing literally. Here are my guidelines to maximizing OUR talking potential.Yes.

• NO FILTER.

Yes indeed. I learnt recently to blurt out what I feel, it really helps. We probably try to sugar coat our words to suit people or norms and stuff, but, Stand for nothing, fall for anything. The moment we start speaking our minds, people start accepting our personalities more. If you feel the need to critique, please do. In some cases people tend to "filter" their words for fear of being misunderstood and other consequences that may follow, but its not a crime to be misunderstood. If you feel a situation or a relationship is not working, say it how you feel, don't endure and try to bit around the bush in fear of provoking the other party. You cannot be a "YES" man. Its really absurd that we do this sometimes, how can you not express yourself, and let feelings mould up inside you ? Do not compromise anything.

• STOP THE TONGUE-IN-CHEEK

I believe everybody gossips. The chit-chat never stops. Stop being in other people's business, you have yours to cater for, I tell myself this too. When you are in a situation where someone is being talked about, at their back, in a disrespectful or rude way, you really should leave the scene and don't utter a word. "The person you gossip with, will gossip about you". So true, its a cycle that never ends. If its something you cannot tell the person face-to-face, then it's not worth speaking of. When you feel like someone offended you or crossed a line, you should speak to them, rather than adding other parties to dissect the story and move it on to the next awaiting ears. Lets cut out ill talk, it has never payed..

• KEEP TO YOUR WORD

Very, very important. Do not make empty, baseless, unfulfilled promises. Most times, we become too much of a "YES' man, and we forget the countless promises we made. We should not give our word cheaply. Talk is really cheap, and without action it's DEAD. When we speak, we have to back it up. People who talk, talk, and never act are Cowards, they cannot keep their word. It leads to distrust. You don't have to promise if you won't carry out, rather not.

• TALK MORE, TALK LESS

I couldn't decide which was better of, talking less or more, so I put them together. There needs to be balance, for real, balance is one of the most important things in life. In some cases, we need to talk more, you need to share your ideas and not be trampled upon by other people's words, everybody deserves to be heard, hence, we need to to eradicate 'The fear of being wrong", I really have battled this, and just speak and share ideas and thoughts. On the other hand, some times we need to talk less and listen more. Absorb information, and add input, when needed. Its great to listen, but don't sit there listening all along, without chirping in something, when you have something to contribute. Be heard! Imagine if you had the idea that could change a whole situation, and you are sat there thinking of when could be the right time to talk, and at the end of the day, you do not speak. If you believe in something, SAY IT.

• SPEAK WITH PURPOSE

Yes, speak with purpose, intellect, direction and with right timing. Don't be lousy with your speech, (unless you are in a jovial set up, with maybe close friends), but do not be know as a Blank talker. You should not  just speak and it does not connect, educate, raise arguments, influence, or create.  

 

----> Finally, all these points are all seamlessly connected, and the most important thing is we should talk wisely, and not loosely, and back it up with actions.

" Talk is cheap when your words are of no value” 
 -Habeeb Akande.

   

P.S- See music playlist of the week  HERE

CLIMAX.

  Today has been extremely awkward to day the least. Really mundane atmosphere, with rain falling in between intervals. My playlist just jumped from Nina Simone to Kanye West, how awkward, polarizing. Basically, I don't even know what direction to head with this post,I don't decide on the topic till I'm about to post, but that vulnerability excites me.The reason though is, I build topics from every experience, any little altercation, discussion, triumph, failure, whatever, I get wind of. I'm constantly writing down, and even yesterday, discussing with a friend at school, I legit stopped in between the conversation and wrote, and she was like "What was that?", I brushed it off. Then, my borderline curiosity. I basically seek to poke a microscope into people's lives, even strangers. Really, I'm always mirroring what growing up would have been like, how living situations differ, and various complexities of life, Its exciting.
   "Mama T (changed the name for privacy reasons), enter the car now !", "Yes sir", she answered. Mama T, a married woman, was being ordered to their vehicle,by her husband, as they were probably heading for a wedding. Watching the little scene unfold from my balcony, I watched her take the back seat of the Ford car. I wondered if the front seat was occupied, it wasn't, and the man she was in company of was her husband. Ever since her husband returned, (he regularly leaves home for long periods of time), she had temporarily quit her small scale business. She stayed in-doors all day, her gait more calculated, her responses, tamed, and she basically did house chores throughout. I asked my sister "What Century are we please ?", "that a woman literally worships her husband", and my sister said, "She is probably an illiterate". I was disgusted by it all. He breathed fear into her, it felt and looked like tyranny. It harmonizes with the book I'm reading "Everything Good will Come" by Sefi Atta, where the female lead, Enitan, is an extreme feminist, and she refuses to be drawn into the confinements of an African marriage. I believe in fair-play in marriage, you cannot crush your partners dreams or visions and just rise above the other, you support,pull each other up, its a team-game. Above all, I believe  marriage is built around mutual, loving respect for each other, not military-like relationships, where the husband looks untouchable, For Heavens sake, how will he communicate with his children ? Bringing me to the next issue....
     Going through my instagram feed, I saw a screen-shot of a boy's conversation with his dad, they were chatting each other up like buddies, without the lack of respect for the father. I loved that, I wanted that. In most parts, we undermine the importance of a FATHER-SON relationship. Normally, the father provides obligatory needs, school fees, a roof over your head, expenses, and all. But in most cases, they don't get to see their dad at all, some, once in a year, or month, or week. And honestly that is not what matters. The legacy a father leaves with his children is not what you gave, materially, its what you instilled within. There is a bond, a friendship, that not-so often exists, that should be there. And if you look at it, before you know it, you are out of your fathers house, thrown into independence, and most people never knew their father's before leaving/before their dads passed. I honestly don't know why we neglect the simple things in life, that matter the most and move onto complex, irrelevant ones. I envy people that have an unbreakable bond/friendship with their dads. It one of my aims this year honestly. I don't wanna lose that. And by the way, it's a two-way thing, it involves both parties trying to make a functioning, lasting relationship, not just being tagged"Father" OR" Son, but owning the tag. And the same goes for all other family relationships, its really vital to have that, its the backbone of Life.
     I saw a quote by A. Lorde somewhere, and it goes, 

If I didn't define myself for myself, I will be crushed into other people's fantasies for me, and I would be eaten alive.

This quote has been becoming a reality as the days have gone by. Normally, I hate when people try to make you vulnerable or unnecessarily apologetic, or fix you in tight corners because of probably a mis-conception of your personality. But, it doesn't matter, I've learnt not to explain,or back up my actions and make them seem favorable, but just act, and not tweak my personality to suit what the "norm" might be. It may cost anything, but again it does not matter. Personally, I believe in full- blown out independence. I set myself up in a way that, If I lose this opportunity today, If I lose this partnership/friendship or whatever, I can still stand by myself, because I have things going on, I have people that I love and things that make me really happy. Don't get me wrong you need people, you need friends, you cant do it all alone, but just in circumstances,its good to have that safety card and not be over-reliant on people. And no matter what you go into, make sure you never lose your identity, I strive for this! It like a house built on a solid rock , with great storms trying to pull it down, but it remains standing tall ! If, I find out a situation is engulfing me, if a situation reaches a CLIMAX, I cut it off, because I have other seeds to grow, and they will grow tall, definately, but not grow tall enough to oppose me or stand in my way, and most especially trust God, he never, ever fails. Everyone deserves a shot at happiness. That's the message. Have A Great Day !

WHERE IS THE MISSING FLIGHT(MH370) ????

   Its been two weeks since the search of the missing plane, MH370 begun and still there are no clues as to where it is. It is unknown whether it crashed, landed somewhere, whether it was stolen, there have been many theories brought up by people. I have been following this story for a week now, every morning I wake up, Google "Missing plane MH370" in lots of hope that somehow, something can be found, better still people are re-united with their missing family members.
    The plane headed to Beijing, China from Malaysia, carried 227 passengers. A transcript of the final conversations between the pilots of missing flight MH370 and air traffic controllers has been released.

According to the UK’s Telegraph, the sequence of messages appear to be routine, apart from two “potentially odd” moments.

The transcript runs from the time the Boeing 777 plane was taxiing on the runway, to its last known position above the Gulf of Thailand.

The flight’s communication started at 00:36:30 and seemed like any other: “ATC (air traffic control), this is MH370, good morning” before being directed by air traffic control to the appropriate runway.

At 00:40:38 the cockpit is recorded saying: “Position 32R, runway ready, permitted to take off. MH370 copies that. Thank you, goodbye.”

Then, after acknowledging air traffic control’s clearance to take off before joining onto the next air traffic controller, the cockpit states: “MH370 position confirmed, flight altitude 180, follow the command and turn right, target IGARI  waypoint. ”  At 00:42:40, after MH370 confirmed it had taken off successfully, air traffic control instruct the plane to fly towards “Igari”, a waypoint halfway between Malaysia and Vietnam. After leaving the airports control tower range, MH370 is instructed to change the frequency to that of the Malaysian air traffic controller.“132.6, MH370 copies that,” it states at 00:42:52.The next 20 minutes is fairly normal communication, with air traffic control giving the cockpit permission to ascend to an altitude of 25,000 feet and then 35,000 feet.  This is a pivotal moment for flight MH370, happening about the same time as the plane’s ACARS signalling device sent its last message before it was, according to reports, deliberately switched off.   Air traffic control contacted MH370’s cockpit 21 minutes later saying “MH370, please contact Ho Chi Minh City 120.9, good night,” telling the pilots to now change frequencies to Vietnam’s air traffic controller. A change that never happened.“All right, good night,” the cockpit responded in its final words before disappearing.This is also considered odd communication, with the final call spoken in a more relaxed manner than usual when changing to a new air traffic controller. It also happened at the same time the plane took a sharp turn off its flight course.

Basically, three scenarios have gained particular attention: hijacking, pilot sabotage and a sudden mid-air crisis that incapacitated the flight crew and left the plane to fly on auto-pilot for several hours until it ran out of fuel and crashed. Most family members, are holding on to the belief that the plane was hijacked, and their loved ones are still alive. This is one of the longest and largest search in aviation history, and basically no piece of wreckage, no single detail has been uncovered. Thats scary. It raises so many questions like "What If the plane is never found?'', or "Could it be a criminal act or a terror event?" "This is going to be a long-haul effort," said the Malaysian transport minister, Hishammuddin Hussein.  

   With many countries involved in the hunt, including The USA, China, Japan, Australia and more, there is hope that something can be found soon. Australian rescue officials have broadened the search area for the missing Malaysia Airlines plane and boosted the number of spotter planes scouring the Indian Ocean, with weather conditions favourable.  Speaking from Pearce Air Force base in Western Australia Mr Truss said authorities would continue searching for the foreseeable future."It is a very remote area, but we intend to continue the search until we are absolutely satisfied that further searching would be futile, and that day is not in sight," he said."We will continue the effort. We will continue to liaise with international allies in the search, although we're planning to continue it indefinitely".Although when nothing is discovered a further reappraisal will be made, but we're not even thinking about that at the present time. I do not believe with all the technology, and 24- hour satellite searching, that something won't be found. It is really strange, that a plane carrying people's loved ones can't be traced. I can imagine the trauma the passengers closed ones are going through. They don't know what to expect, they can tell if they are dead or alive, or held hostage.. All there is is Hope, and Faith and lots of Prayers. 

WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED TO MH370??? Please Comment Below....

    

DOES MONEY CREATE PROBLEMS ?

                                       

                "It gives  me Joy more than Millions"
 -------- This was basically the most important sentence I heard this week, my friend just texted me this, and it is so relevant right now. He basically was referring to his passion, what he loves doing, Music. It has a whole lot to do with my post today.
    
   "I'm tired of Suffering, my parents give me little, how can I survive ?" A good looking, young, (probably in her mid-twenties), girl was complaining bitterly to her friends at a local eatery I was at. Her voice got louder by the second, and people started giving her a look of dissent. I was interested, a tad bit, and I was sitting just next to her. She talked of how she had attended three different universities, and how she failed woefully in all. She kept blaming her parents, but I could not see reason. " See my friends nah, they dey drive car up and down, na their papa buy am for them", she spoke in broken English. She continued "They don't suffer, I'm eating from hand to mouth, they send me just 5k twice a month, they send them that in a day, I have tried". A well-meaning young girl, who came with her I guess, told her "You should find something to do.", a young man sitting close by said "Ah! Leave her! Leave Gbemi ! She can never start something and finish it successfully, not always prepared to go the full mile !!" He spoke with so much hurt, like it was a burden to him. She breathed a huge sigh, and shouted "You can never understand, my dad needs to get a better job, my mum needs to start working, they need to help me" and she stood and left. I had one question burning inside of me "How old was she?", and I asked one of her friends, he looked at me with a look as if to say "What is your business?", and answered "She's 25 in May".
     "25 ? Why is she still talking about her parents ? She needs a total re-evaluation of her life", I thought. Why would a grown woman, though still a student be so reliant on her parent?. This was a life full of lots of mistakes, excuses, one had failed to take on responsibilities. It was a lesson for me, A big one, I started thinking of ways to reduce my reliance on my parents,and take up responsibilities, at least I just turned 18, and an opportunity sure did come...
     Basically, my friend had found a little way to make money. He told me about it, and we told our mutual friend too. It was a business opportunity, and was really good for college students like us, little did I know it was the beginning of disharmony. There was an aura of competition, of soured friendship, of one person trying to get the better of, or outsmart the other.There was dishonesty, lies, back-stabbing, swindling,cajoling... Money does create problems ? Or does it reveal problems that existed before, but were laying low ?  It does, OR maybe doing business with friends isn't the best idea ? I had started worrying about what the other person was up to, and vice-versa. I became bored. I mean one day, I asked one of my friends involved in the little business cycle, "Are You Happy With Yourself ?'' He said, "No, I am Not, Money does not buy happiness, actually". It doesn't ? I thought to myself, probably yes. I mean, it was so engulfing that I didn't do the things I loved, what made me happy. I started avoiding my friends, I needed a full stop! Did I get that ? I think.
     What do you all think ? Does Money create problems ? SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCES !